why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
