Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
