you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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