i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
