I just cut my nipple shaving
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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