i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
