so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dear god my vagina.
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