i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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