white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
