that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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