omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
