I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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