I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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