question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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