they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
COCAINE IS GR8
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
