You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
