I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
