He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
