he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
