everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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