I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
