I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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