Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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