Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
