there's paper in my vomit.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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