There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
