The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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