Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
