I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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