After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
