This is not my ceiling
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mom said you looked used
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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