I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
