Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
