I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
