I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
