Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
