upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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