insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
