I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
