i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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