She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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