I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
