Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
