Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
