Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drake has all the answers
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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