I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
