you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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