There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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