I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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