Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
